A Brief History of the Neil Armstrong Middle School Cafetorium

What is a cafetorium?

A cafetorium is a combination of a cafeteria and an auditorium. When we’re not eating in there, we’re having talent shows or school assemblies or dances.

Why isn’t there an auditorium and a cafeteria?

It would be against the spirit of Neil Armstrong and the astronauts who landed on the moon. They had to improvise in the impossible odds of landing on the moon, so we must survive the impossible odds of this shared space. This is what at least the president of the PTSA said when asked in 1983. 

What’s the most important thing that’s happened?

This depends on the year and who still remembers what happens. In 2017, Yvonne Kron, then a 6th grader, asked out Trevor Quint, a very popular 8th grader during their lunch block. This was unusual because girls, especially 6th graders, didn’t generally ask out boys. Trevor let her down gently but we all wondered about her after that, and not in a good way.

How’s the food?

If you’ve got the money to buy the food they bring in outside of school, do that. Otherwise, prepare to be disappointed or sick after eating the lunch the school makes.

Do we always have to eat in the cafetorium when it’s lunchtime?

Yes, you do. It’s the only way they (the assigned teachers and the assistant principal) can watch us and make sure we’re behaving, like we’re animals. We catch some of them looking at us like we’re gross but they forget that they were as gross as us, eating shitty food and doing shitty things. They forget the snarl of their bodies.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *