take these flowers and shove them

please find these lilacs enclosed with my message.
i don’t care what you do with them.
put them in a vase or toss them in the fireplace.
just don’t think that they’re a peace offering.

i don’t care what you do with them.
chuck them in the garbage for all i care.
just don’t think they’re a peace offering
because you’re used to getting flowers.

chuck them in the garbage for all i care
if this isn’t enough of a parting gift.
because you’re used to getting flowers,
don’t think i chose these for a reason.

if this isn’t enough of a parting gift,
know that this is the last effort i’ll give you.
don’t think i chose these for a reason,
i just want these to be enough for you.

know that this is the last effort i’ll give you.
please find these lilacs enclosed with my message.
i just want these to be enough for you.
put them in a vase or toss them in the fireplace.

---

Picks Me Up, Puts Me Down

A golden shovel after “Free” by Florence + The Machine

I don’t know if my fear of needles is because
of one bad visit to the doctor’s, or if it’s
because I fear anything that can break me. All
that can easily puncture my skin, pouring in
whatever cure or venom they carry, makes my
skin wants to crystallize. I already hate having my head
touched. You could offer me a free haircut, one you’re
willing to do with your kitchen scissors, but I’ve felt too
many shivers from a razor on my nape to know I’m too sensitive
to accept one. There are gentle hands out there, and I’m sure they
are willing to give me grace pooled in their palms. I already said
that I’d be willing to sip from there, and I
know that I could get on my knees for it if I said
I want it with complete confidence. Maybe I’ll be okay
then, willing to accept the touch of a hand on my thigh, but
I can’t see that day. I could continue to worry, but let’s
try to table this for a better time. I’ll have to discuss
this with my therapist once I get one. They’ll know this
discussion needs some comfortable distance, so at
least I know I’ll be willing to sit with them. I just hope the
work is something worthwhile, and not a reason to avoid the hospital.

---

My Coworker Got Cast on The Great American Baking Show

After Regie Cabico

As consolation for being cut,
Prue Leith gives me one

of her famous necklaces
and tells me to never take it off.

I start to drown 
when I put it on,

sinking into an isomalt ocean.
She tells me to dive for edible pearls

to put on my wedding cake
while I’m down there.